Friday, April 16, 2010

Sample Letter

For those interested in what kind of advice I give, here is a sample. This was a letter that was sent to another advice columnist that I took the opportunity to answer.

"My son's biological father ended our relationship when I asked him to pull his financial weight with our son. This man played Daddy for two years and then left the state, saying he had a trip out of town. Actually, he moved out of the state. He ended up with another woman in a state that is close to where we are, yet he never bothered coming back to say good-bye to us. I found out from a mutual friend that he then got a job overseas, so I sent him an e-mail message letting him know that I'd found him. I have no doubt he was hiding out to avoid having to pay child support, although the Child Support Services Division took care of that for me, fortunately. He again cut off contact for another five months because he was angry about the amount of child support the state calculated. This man has no legal rights (visitation or custody) although, by law, he is required to pay child support. I consider him a pathological liar, a spineless coward, and a horrible role model. My son has forgotten who he is, and I consider my child better off without him. My problem is that this sperm donor now claims he wants to be a part of my son's life. Given all that he's put us through, I believe he has no right to be, especially considering he has not changed at all. He still lies to me and treats me with a great amount of disrespect, yelling at me on the phone, hanging up, etc. What do you think?"
—No More Chances


Dear No More Chances,
When considering your question, it is important to keep in mind what will help your child grow into a happy, healthy adult. The father of your child sounds immature and irresponsible. But is he such a bad father that your son would be better off not knowing him at all? I believe that if this man is dangerous and might cause harm to your son, then it is your responsibility to keep him away from your family. But if the problem is that he drives YOU nuts, then you might consider allowing your son to see his father for brief, SUPERVISED visits. You say that your son has forgotten who he is, but I highly doubt your son has forgotten that he has a father - and this will become an issue in his future. If you believe it is safe, then see how they both respond to these brief visits, and take it from there. In the meantime, it is a good idea to find a male role model for your son that is not a liar, a coward, and all of these other things his father is. Consider enlisting the help of a trusted man you know to teach your son all the things his real father should be teaching him - how to throw a ball, talk to girls, etc. Best of luck to you and your son.
-Jocelyn

1 comment:

chandra said...

Solid, well-conceived, well-executed post. Nice story!@bose

Letters

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