Wednesday, April 28, 2010

A Woman's Prerogative

Dear Jocelyn,
I have recently developed a crush on a guy in my circle of friends. The feelings could be mutual (judging by his actions - like singling me out for one-one conversations while in group settings, lingering around after others leave, etc). However, we have a complicated history - before we really knew each other we went on a blind date, which ended fairly awkwardly. Essentially, I rejected him by avoiding his calls.

I enjoy being friends with the guy and do not want to hurt the potential friendship by making things awkward once again. How do you go about pursuing a guy you previously rejected?
- Relationship Challenged


Dear Challenged,
I think you might have illustrated why the phrase "Never burn bridges" is around. Judging from the fact that you two are still friends, though, you may have only singed the bridge instead of burning it. Normally, I do not recommend that women chase after men, ask them out on dates, etc. This is because I hold the old-fashioned belief that if a man wants to date a woman, he will go after her. However, this situation is complicated since he did pursue you and was rejected. Depending on how well he detects subtlety, you should try to communicate your interest in him with your actions and words. Should you need some advice regarding the fine art of flirting, find a friend who can give you lessons. If your feminine wiles do not prompt him to ask you out again, tell him you made a mistake by not giving him a chance when you first dated and ask if he would be willing to try again. This places the ball squarely back in his court - if he says no or does not begin
to take the initiative, then move on. However, if he seems excited at the prospect of a second chance, then sit back and enjoy letting him pursue you.
-Jocelyn

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