Monday, May 3, 2010

Spare His Feelings?

Dear Jocelyn,
I have gone on a few dates with a nice Christian man who is excited about pursuing a relationship with me, but after giving it a chance I know there's no interest on my part. Last night I dodged his attempts to make weekend plans and (truthfully) said I needed to go to bed, but then a different guy called and I readily talked with him for half an hour. How do I tell the first guy I don't want to see him anymore, since my own behavior tells me I'm not interested? Complication: I promised to attend a ticketed event with him next weekend but I’d rather not go on dates with him anymore…would it be kinder for me to offer to pay for my half and cancel or go as our last hangout?
-Not Interested

Dear Not Interested,
Now that you know how you feel about this young gentleman, you should act immediately. A common misconception people have is that the longer you date someone, the more obligation you have to continue going on dates with him. This is not true; whether you have been on 2 dates or 100 dates, you do not have an obligation to remain with him.

Call your suitor post haste and thank him for the fun times you had together, then tell him you are not interested in dating anymore. This is hard to do, but the kindest thing you can do is be clear - you do not want to fumble through a 5 minute phone conversation and leave him more con

fused than when you began. Then tell him that if he does not wish to bring another friend to the event, you are willing to pay for your ticket but will not attend.
-Jocelyn

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