Friday, May 13, 2011

Taking a Break From a Relationship

Dear Jocelyn,
My boyfriends father just passed away and he needs a break. He says he loves me but he needs time to be alone. Do I wait for him? I fear he will let someone else in...
-Waiting

Dear Waiting,

It is quite understandable that your boyfriend is having difficulty dealing with something as hard as the death of his father. There is not quite enough information in your letter, however, for me to figure out whether he is pushing you specifically away, or pushing everyone away.


Is your boyfriend needing time away from his other friends as well? If so, this might be how he deals with grief. Some brief time away from society to process his sadness is understandable.

Is your boyfriend just asking for time away from you? If so, this indicates a problem in the relationship that is coming out due to the stress of his father's death. Grief usually serves to bring two intimates closer together, not drive them farther apart. Tell him gently that you are either dating or you are broken up- there is no middle ground. If this does not sway him, then move on.

You say you fear him letting someone else in. This indicates a basic lack of security in your relationship - whether this has any foundation to it, I don't know. If he actually loves you and is a man worthy of respect, he will not turn from you and towards another woman. If he doesn't love you, or isn't worthy of respect, then him turning to another woman is entirely possible. If this happens, view it as a blessing that you found the truth out before the relationship got any farther along.

-Jocelyn

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