Monday, July 25, 2011

My Boss Didn't RSVP

Dear Jocelyn,
Is it rude for me to ask my boss if she received my daughter's wedding invitation?  My daughter seems so excited and can't wait to hear about it.  I am afraid it may have gotten lost in the mail, but don't want my boss to feel obligated to give me an excuse if she just can't come.  The wedding is in 5 days.
-Mother of the Bride

Dear Mother of the Bride,
Of course it is not rude to check on guests who have not responded to an invitation!  In fact, you are being gracious by conjecturing that the invite might have been lost in the mail, rather than assuming that your boss is being rude and just didn't respond. I recommend treating the whole manner lightly; go to your boss and ask casually, "Mrs. Smith, I was finalizing the wedding plans and noticed we had not heard back from you about whether you could attend my daughter's wedding. Will you be able to make it?"

You said you don't want her to feel obligated to give an excuse if she cannot make it—don't worry about that!  A simple question about attendance is not putting undue pressure on her.  If she is unable to attend, she can give you the reason.  If she simply does not want to attend, she can make up some excuse, or (what I would recommend in her situation)say, "I'm afraid I won't be able to make it," and leave it at that.  Invitees are under no obligation to give a reason for not attending. 

I hope this helps, and congratulations to your family!

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