Monday, July 22, 2013

No 'I Love You'?

Dear Jocelyn,
I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months, and he still has not said "I love you" to me. He finally met my two daughters after 14 months of being in a relationship with me. His actions certainly do speak louder than words, as he tries so hard to be my confidant. He is always trying to provide for my children and I, always tries to make me smile, listens, is affectionate, however he has a difficult time even saying "I miss you". What is going on? Should I just assess the unspoken love? I know it seems petty, but I need to hear it, just once!
-Craving Those Words

Dear Craving,
I recently responded to a reader with a similar question here. It certainly seems by his actions that he does love you, which is important.  However, it is completely normal for you to want to hear him confirm that with his words.  It is quite possible he simply does not express his emotions with words very well.  In that case, I would recommend talking to him about how important it is for you to hear certain things from him - "I miss you" or "I appreciate you" in addition to "I love you." If he makes an effort to say these things more often, then it is probably just that he struggles with putting his feelings into words, and you will have to help him with this during the course of your relationship.  

If, however, he is resistant to saying "I love you" after you talk to him, then you need to find out the reason.  Is he waiting until he proposes? Is he unsure whether he loves you? It would be fair to have a conversation with him asking where the relationship is heading, especially if he is still unsure whether he loves you after 18 months.

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